Thursday, April 2, 2009

i'm outta here

i'm giddy. i'm leaving in the early morning in a van packed with mamas and we're heading for a house by sand and sea for 3 whole days all by ourselves.

there's so much planning involved with an excursion away from my nest. i feel at loose ends. i feel driven to write down the details of my daily life for my husband so he'll know, he'll remember what i do and live my life for a few days.

of course, he will do things the way daddy does them and it will be wonderful. there is no need to leave the poor man a manuscript to read, but it is so tempting.

it bothers me that a weekend away from my babes makes me feel a great sense of joy, of freedom, of escape. does that make me less of a mother? of course, in my rational mind i know that it certainly doesn't. but that heart-centered, mama bear part of me feels somehow disloyal or detached.

one of my girlfriends who is going on the trip with me is fully aware of how much she needs to renew as a single mom. unfortunately, her own mom is taking care of her daughter and isn't happy about doing the favor. "you can't leave; you're a mom! i never left you like this." i wonder if that tells us something about our baby boomer parents, should many of them feel this way about a weekend away?

as much as i know about the importance of self-care, it still remains on the bottom of my list. i think because i know that taking good care of myself includes eating well, getting enough rest, drinking water, exercising, praying morning-noon-and night, reading for pleasure and reflecting on the Baha'i Writings daily. i mean, that's hard work!

it's so much easier to run away to the beach for a weekend with girlfriends than to apply the daily nurturing i know my body and spirit are denied.

i remember the bounties of taking short trips prior to being a mother and always feeling more motivated to make healthy changes upon my return. i'm looking forward to taking a breath this weekend, stepping away from my mothering self and being a bit more woman-focused. maybe i'll come back with a resolve to put myself back on top for the benefit of all.